The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
