Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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