i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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