All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm too high and old for this...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
