I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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