he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
