if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
