I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
