that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
