I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
