It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
