idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
