Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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