Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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