you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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