I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
