Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
