You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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