If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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