Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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