marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
