yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
