You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
not ubering you a puppy
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
