i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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