that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize