I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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