this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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