I am full of burrito and curiosity
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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