I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
we should paint friendship bongs
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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