your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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