my room smells like sperm. sweet.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
