Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just had sex on a roof
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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