At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
