Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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