Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize