i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
