someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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