I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize