Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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