The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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