yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
