I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Everyone says I win the strip club
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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