Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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