i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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