The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize