Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
