Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
