chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize