I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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