well you can't waste a boner
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Randomize
