um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
