I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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