She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize