no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize