sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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