I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
