The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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