Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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