Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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