I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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