I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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