That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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