Whod you bang
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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