I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
