ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You can't special order awesome
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
