So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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