I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
