I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
as a side note pls kill me
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
