should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Randomize
